Let’s talk about sex baby; admit it, you sang the song in your head when you read that didn’t you?
Whilst most will know this phrase as being the title of a song from the early 90s, it does actually raise an interesting question. Why is that the gay community is happy to talk about sex in a very crass and casual way, but we tend to avoid talking about it in a serious way. When you get two or more gay guys together, there tends to a lot of sex in the air, but talking in a serious manner about the sex we like, don’t like or are curious about is often taboo.
Many guys don’t talk about their sexual needs and desires beyond a very basic level ie. top or bottom, condom or bareback sex. There is so little communication that many people don’t even understand their needs and wants beyond being horny or not, which means far to many people are missing out on a whole world of phenomenal sex!
Sex is about being intimate, feeling physical contact, and enjoying a few moments when they can feel the presence of someone else. Sex can mean many different things to many different people, we are all different and unique human being with different desires and needs but how are we supposed to navigate and understand these without talking about them? Each man has different emotional needs, talking about these and understanding how sex fits into them will make for a better and more fulfilling sex life for everyone involved, not to mention a healthier mind.
Recognizing how your sexual activities relate to your emotional needs can help you understand the difference between desiring the physical and desiring the intimate. For example, if what you really want is to spend all night holding someone and being held by them, you can learn how to achieve this without masquerading it as a sexual need.
Trying to get gay couples to talk about sex can be very difficult. It can be met with feelings of embarrassment, shyness and awkwardness. Many people don’t want to share their hidden sexual feeling and desires.
In order to help you to better understand both your own and partners sexuality, we have created the below questionnaire. It may be intimidating to be fully honest in answering it, but the questions are specifically designed to help you to honestly understand your own desires and needs, and completing it with a partner can help you to really start exploring good sex together.
Take the Exploring Good Sex Together survey.
It is an interesting contrast that although sex is a huge part of gay culture, talking about our sexual needs in an open and free way is not largely practised. It’s possible that this manifests from a part of us that still carries shame from previous experiences or a time in our youth when we were told it was wrong. Many of us don’t even have a good understanding of how our own sexual desires are an expression of our emotional needs.
Lets start the conversation, lets talk about sex in a meaningful way, a way which allows us to grow and understand our sexual desires, needs and acts.