10 things LGBT people were probably never taught in sex education

Everything your sex education teacher forgot (or couldn't) tell you about gay sex.

Love + Sex Sex Education Simon Elstad

This article was published on March 9th, 2021

In sex education, the emphasis has always been placed on heteronormative and cis-normative talk. This is a far cry from what ought to be an all-inclusive sex education that should incorporate LGBTQ+ students as well. In the US, only 29 states mandate sex education, with only nine of them, and District of Columbia, being LGBTQ-inclusive. With such paltry coverage, young people have an incomplete view of sex.

For LGBTQ teens, a lack of awareness about their bodies and identities could lead to risky sexual behaviours and exploitation. Sex education in schools should be comprehensive, covering the whole spectrum of gender identities and sexual orientations. Inclusive sex ed helps the youth make better decisions on healthy relationships and safe sex.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

As an LGBTQ teen, there are probably a couple of queer sex education facts you certainly never learnt in school. Here is what you could have missed out:

1. Sex is not just about penetration

For cisgender heterosexuals, sex is mostly penetrative because it’s seen as a means to getting a child. However, for queer people, sexual pleasure does not revolve around reproduction. Therefore, it doesn’t have to be penetrative. The goal is to explore your sexual fantasies, be it oral, rimming, or a mutual jerk off. 

2. Always seek consent

Consent in sex is non-negotiable. Period. Both parties must be in agreement before engaging in any sexual activity.  Sure, it may seem awkward initially but rest assured it will not ruin the mood.

Additionally, a partner can revoke consent at any point during the sexual encounter, in which case you must stop immediately.

3. LGBTQ+ terminology

Most sex education classes don’t cover LGBTQ terminology. While you’re aware of the “LGBTQ+” acronym, it represents much more. Understanding what each letter means can help you avoid embarrassment, especially around gender identity issues.

Here is a broader look LGBTQ+ acronym and what the letters represent:

L – Lesbian: a woman who is attracted to another woman

  • G- Gay: a man who is attracted to other men. It could also refer to a person who identifies as homosexual.
  • B-Bisexual: an individual who is attracted to both men and women.
  • T-Transgender: a person whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.
  • Q-Queer: an umbrella term that refers to people whose gender identity or sexual orientation is non-heterosexual.
  • Q-Questioning: a person who is still exploring their sexuality or gender identity
  • I-Intersex:  a person whose body is not definitively male or female
  • A-Asexual: a person who experiences little or no sexual attraction to another person.
  • A-Ally: a person who is heterosexual but supports the LGBTQIA community.
  • P-Pansexual: a person whose attraction is not based on gender identity or sex.

4. Sexuality is fluid

It’s in our nature as humans to evolve, and so is our sexuality. You might be attracted to a particular gender for some time before your attraction shifts elsewhere on the spectrum. And that is normal. You should not feel any pressure to conform to a label. Instead, take your time to choose a label that suits you.

5. Asexual people do exist.

As defined earlier, asexuals experience little or no sexual attraction to other people. These individuals are simply after romantic relationships that don’t necessarily involve sex. It should not be confused with celibacy or abstinence. Asexuality is a sexual orientation as opposed to a choice. Asexuality, also known as ace/aces, exists under a spectrum that includes:

  • Demisexual: a person who experiences sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond with a partner.
  • Graysexual: a person who experiences sexual attraction, often sometimes and in varying degrees.

6. Wrap it up!

Most people love raw dogging, but at what cost if you contract unwanted diseases? HIV and other STIs exist. A 2018 report by the CDC revealed that 69% of close to 38,000 new HIV diagnoses in the United States (US) were gay and bisexual men. 

This statistic paints a grim picture of how most people remain ignorant about using protection. If you are unsure about your partner’s status, simply cover it up before slipping it in.

7. STI’s are not only transmitted through penetrative sex

If you thought Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STIs) could only be transmitted through penetrative sex, shock on you. Even oral sex is likely to spread Gonorrhoea or Herpes to either partner. You can stay free from such infections by getting tested and using protection in the form of condoms. If you are into rimming, then grab some dental dams.

8. Anal sex requires lots of preparation

Who knew douching would be that time-consuming. Forget what you see in porn; guys having sex ‘effortlessly’ with ‘no lube or prep.’ Anal sex requires some preparation, and that includes clearing your bowels at least an hour before your anal adventure. Most experts recommend an enema for that deep cleanse. Also, use plenty of lube and protection during your encounter.

9. Your gender should not define who you are attracted to

There’s often a misconception associated with gender and sexual orientation. Gender refers to how a person identifies, be it a man or woman. On the other hand, sexual orientation (or sexuality) is the romantic, emotional or sexual attraction that someone feels towards another person. That being the case, your gender identity does not influence the person you’re attracted to.

10. You can get kinky with sex toys

Sex toys form a critical component in your sex life.  And queer guys use them a lot. A study on the use of sex toys by gay and bisexual men in the US revealed that 78% of them admitted using the toys. So, be it the butt plugs, double-sided dildos or nipple clamp, go after what tickles your fancy.

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