This article was published on May 31st, 2014
Everyone’s been there at least once. It’s Friday night, and you’ve spent the week anticipating the hot hookup you arranged through your favourite geo-location based app like Grindr, Hornet or Adam4Adam. You’re expecting a 6 foot tall guy who works out five times a week and manscapes like a pro; when the doorbell rings, you find a bear who barrels his way in and orders you to suck him off before you can even consider closing the door. What to do?
Facts are: everyone presents the best parts of themselves online. Meeting up in real life always means that you see the whole package, sometimes for the first time. If what you see isn’t what you’re looking for, saying so is okay. If you hoped he’d be a little more built, it’s probably worth inviting him in to see if conversation–and more than conversation–can save the day, but if he completely fails to flip your switch, or if he is rude, pushy, or obnoxious, showing him the door is completely acceptable. Your comfort and safety has to be your first concern.
And as ugly as it is to talk about it, men are not inherently safe from sexual assault and abuse. From bait and switches, where the guy who showed up was completely different from the profile photo online, to a guy pulling a knife on you (true story!), anything can happen. No one wants to call 911 and say that their hook up has gone horribly wrong, but being embarrassed is better than the potential alternative.
And what if you’ve followed all the rules yourself–you’ve used a good-but-real picture of yourself, you’ve been honest about who you are and what you want–but when you show up at the hookup’s address, it’s your turn to get the door slammed in your face? Don’t take it personally! There could be a million things going on behind that door that you don’t know about–and you may be better off not knowing about them! If you haven’t been following the rules, it may be time to reconsider, but if you have–back home you go, and back to Grindr; there’s someone better waiting.