This article was published on June 28th, 2014
Sometimes it seems like just by being the top, you’re doing all the important work just by showing up. Au contraire, mon frère. There are some simple things you can do to make your bottom’s experience out of this world. Here are the six steps to being the best top on the block:
- Shower time! It’s not just the guy being penetrated who needs to clean up ‘down there’. Better you smell like yummy bodywash than stale sweat, so hop in the shower and soap up! Butt, penis, balls; if you want him to kiss it, wash it. If it’s been a long day and you just can’t wait, bring your lover in with you and call it foreplay.
- Appreciate your man. Part of great sex is trust, and part of trust is feeling safe and appreciated. The bedroom is not a place to joke about your man’s love handles or double chin, and unless you’ve previously negotiated a scene, it’s not the time to suddenly get pushy and forceful. Pay attention to his mood, and let his wants and needs inform your actions.
- Find his hot buttons with your mouth. Specifically, your breath and tongue can work magic when you’re in the exploring phase. Use your mouth to see where he shivers, and then bring your fingers into the game. Remember, not everyone wants fingernails; keep the claws away unless he asks for them.
- Slamming at his ass only works in porn. Let your guy help you in this part, until you both find a rhythm and make it work. Let him warm up and relax with you, and forget what your ex liked. Find out what this guy wants, and help him get it. And don’t do that thing where you go fully out and then fully back in at a fast pace (unless he’s warmed up and into that).
- Varying position can be hot, but it doesn’t need to be the sex games of the year. Let it be a natural progression, moving from one space to another, letting your bodies and your needs inform what happens next. You don’t have to try twenty positions in a night, but shifting from one to another a few times lets different angles and sensations come into play.
- It’s not over ‘til you both get your cookie. Don’t roll off and go to sleep just because you’re done. Finish what you started, and help him get off, too.