This article was published on November 5th, 2014
Hooking up isn’t easy. Just ask any gay man. A lot of time and energy goes into it. It’s not just making sure you’re wearing cute underwear and spritzed with your favourite cologne; there’s a lot more work that goes into it!
- Sign up for every gay geo-location hook-up app available. You need a profile on Grindr, GuySpy, Hornet, Scruff, Jack’d and every other app you can find! You have to make sure you’ve scoured the entire neighbourhood, not leaving any stone unturned.
- Post honest profile pictures. Nothing is more disappointing than showing up and finding out that your hook-up’s photos are 10 years old. And when it comes to profiles, be honest! Post your current and accurate stats up-front and save everyone time.
- Douche! There’s nothing more important than for a bottom to be ready to go. It’s not optional. Preparing to hook up can take as much as adjusting your diet 24 hours in advance. It’s a lot of work!
- Schedule time for regular manscaping. It’s important to make sure you’re ready to go. Sometimes you just need a quick trim. Make sure you’re shaved, trimmed, waxed and washed in all the right areas… unless otherwise specified and agreed upon!
- Troll the bars. It’s ok to be That Guy sitting in the back corner of the bar checking out guys. It’s a great strategy for finding a spontaneous hook-up.
- Home alone. A lot of guys have roommates and there’s nothing more awkward for everyone involved when a hook-up is coming, cumming, or going. It’s best to make sure you’re home alone.
- Clean your house. At the minimum, make sure your garbage and recycling are taken out, your dishes are washed and put away, and your clothes are put into the laundry basket. It’s a turn-off to walk into a smelly and dirty house.
- Change your sheets. Ok, you don’t have to have fresh sheets, but make sure they have been changed in the last few days and haven’t been previously fucked on. Have some respect.
- Don’t be needy. Not every guy is into making out, cuddling, or spending the night. It’s perfectly acceptable to have a fuck-and-chuck or cum-and-go hook-up. You don’t have to leave within 30 seconds, but you also aren’t expected to stay more than five minutes.
- Be prepared. You know you’re going to be having sex, so have everything ready to go on the side table that you’ll need including condoms, lube, poppers, dildos and a clean stack of towels for cleanup. You can never be too prepared!