This article was published on April 22nd, 2015
In 1974, dominant leaders in the gay community from all corners of the globe gathered in secret in Edinburgh, Scotland. During a week long orgy, fueled by kilt-clad rent boys and poppers, these aging perverts managed to occasionally emerge from this stupor and develop their plan to turn the world gay and, by doing so, bring about the collapse of civilization. A copy of the plan they produced that weekend was found by a janitor at one of their dens of iniquity. Unfortunately, it was written in secret gay code but linguists have managed to translate a small portion of it. Its contents will shock and appall you, exposing the homosexual for what he truly is – a cock-obsessed nymphomaniac who will not stop until every man on earth is taking dick. This is what has been decoded in the document, which is now known by some as, The Gay Agenda.
Protocols of the Aged Queens
First, we will become all artsy fartsy, dominating the cultural industries. This will enable us to slowly introduce gay characters and artists in live theatre, television, movies, and music. We will act just like straight people – except more beautiful, wealthy, smart, and funny. Straight people will start to like us, and then want to be like us.
Second, we will befriend women. We will act like the perfect man. We will dance with them. We will shop with them. We will listen to their moaning. We will laugh at their jokes. We will tell them they’re pretty. Half of the population will be putty in our hands. Women will start telling their boyfriends to be more like their gay best friends, causing confusion amongst heterosexual men. Do they want us to be exactly like their gay best friends? Hmmmm, perhaps sodomy needs to be given a try. The idea is planted.
Third, dominate academia. We will infiltrate the liberal arts and manipulate the curriculum. We will use every course to question the very nature of gender and sexuality. The future leaders of society will think these things are fluid by nature and begin to bend over to our will.
Fourth, we’ll fight for the right to marry anyone we choose. Straights will think we just want to be married to the person we love and be like everyone else. Once we gain that right, straights will slowly realize that gay men are all in open relationships, acting as promiscuous as ever. Straights will be jealous and also will begin opening their marriages. Slowly but surely, the institution of marriage will be a complete joke and collapse.
Fifth, we’ll fight for the right to adopt children. This will make us look normal and even nurturing. Really though, it’s so we can recruit our own future army of sodomites ready to dominate the world.
Sixth, we’ll alter sex education in schools to begin discussing sodomy. We’ll claim that since government recognizes our marriages as normal, what we do in bed should also be taught out of fairness. Really though, it’s to get at the children we can’t adopt. We will make the young curious about sodomy – so curious they will even like to try it out. Pretty soon, all young guys will be trying it out on each other.
Seventh, we’ll demand anti-bullying campaigns. This makes us look vulnerable and week, the underdog(gy style) that needs protecting. This makes those who criticize us look aggressive, hateful, and irrational. After all, how could these poor, attacked, weak homosexuals have a diabolical plan to take over the world?
Eighth, we’ll get the churches and other religions to attack us. Why do we want them to attack us? They will use irrational arguments that make no sense and have no logical basis – using quotes from holy books even though there is evidence all around us that we are evil. This will discredit the very organizations that are supposed to provide a moral compass to society and prevent our takeover. But how will we get them to attack us in such stupid ways? That’s easy, we already control their leadership. Occasionally, some of us are exposed, such as our brother Cardinal O’Brien, who led the campaign in the UK to prevent gay marriage. But in the end, we run all of these institutions and they can’t out us all.
Ninth, we’ll push for hate crimes legislation and other government protections of our minority status. Our aberrant sexual preferences will be deemed an innate characteristic that is unchangeable. Government policy will be to threaten those that try to expose our secret agenda, even locking them up in psychiatric wards for anal probing. There will be no one left to oppose our control.
Tenth, we will make butt play seem normal and wonderful. At first, straight guys will try it on their girlfriends. Soon, girls will start sticking their fingers up their boyfriends butts, progressing to larger and larger toys. Eventually straight men will want the real thing, posting faceless pics on gay dating apps looking to get fucked and bred.
The rest of the document cannot be translated yet, the gay code being a tricky one seldom understood by outsiders. But the amount exposed here is surely enough to wake society up to this diabolical plan. Or, have the homosexuals already won and soon every man will be taking dick?