This article was published on December 23rd, 2015
So you’ve finally admitted it – you like younger guys. It really is okay (caveat: if they’re above the age of consent; otherwise, go seek help now). For one thing, an older guy with a younger woman is very common. As well, differentials in age have always been common in the gay community and are becoming much more so as the stigma around these types of relationships becomes less and less. There are many benefits to dating or sleeping with a younger man – their more youthful bodies, their energy, how they challenge all the stale things you do in your life. Plus, because they’re generally new to things, they’re more willing to try things out.
However, with the fun comes responsibility. You’re a daddy now and you’re expected to do more than just have great sex. As the older and hopefully wiser one in the relationship, you have an important role to play. Here are some tips on how to be a responsible daddy to your boy.
Mentor. You’ve probably been through everything your boy is going to face. Broken hearts, a boss that’s a jerk, trouble getting assignments done, how to navigate the gay scene. You’re as much a mentor as you are a partner or friend. Offer constructive advice when needed and a sympathetic ear. Use examples from your past to help teach him and hopefully he can avoid some of the mistakes you made.
Open minded. Yes you’re a mentor. But you also don’t know everything. Your boy has had experiences himself that you haven’t and you need to understand and accept that. You won’t always be right and you’ve got stuff to learn from him as well. He’s from a different generation and brings a perspective to things that you don’t have. So be open minded and be willing to learn from him. Don’t be an arrogant daddy who thinks he knows everything.
Sex. You’ve likely got a lot of sexual experience under your belt and that’s likely what your boy is looking for. Having sex with guys his own age has likely been awkward and hasn’t always been a fun time. He’s probably also into some kink or at least wants to explore it, something that younger guys have difficulty admitting to each other. Conversely, he’s probably not sure what he’ll enjoy and what his limits are. Make sure you start out slow and slowly build up over time, talking after each session to know what he liked and didn’t like. But he also wants you to be confident in the bedroom and doesn’t mind letting you take charge – after all, a daddy-son dynamic is very similar to a dom-sub one, albeit possibly with more affection. So have lots of fun and show your boy how to be a man in the sack.
Stability. One of the reasons your boy is looking for a daddy is to have some stability in his life. His life will often be chaotic, not sure what direction in life he’s heading, unable to plan more than a week in advance, struggles with rent and roommates, etc. But as a daddy, you’re expected to have a stable job, have a safe warm home, and not get thrown into a panic at the slightest sign of a problem.
Reliability. We kind of expect the young ones to be flakey at times and, while you shouldn’t be a door mat, you also shouldn’t get too upset when your boy isn’t reliable. However, they want and need you to be reliable. When you make plans, stick to them as best as possible so he knows that you’re someone in his life that he can always rely on to be true to his word.
Gifts. Be careful. Most of you aren’t wealthy enough to throw money around and you don’t want to buy love – he should be into you whether you’re rich or poor. You also don’t know if this relationship will last so depleting your retirement savings is not a good idea. However, you likely have a lot more money than your boy with a stable income, so buying him things once in a while is okay, as long as it doesn’t set the tone of your relationship.
Meals. You probably have finer, more expensive tastes in food than your boy and you probably want to expose him to these. However, your boy probably doesn’t have the money to go out for a nice dinner often. You should treat him once in a while but you don’t want to create an expectation that you’ll always pay. There’s a solution – your kitchen. You’ve probably got everything in your kitchen that you need to make a fabulous meal and you probably know how to cook as well. And nothing is sexier than cooking a fancy dinner at home with your boy. So show him your more expensive tastes but spend less money by making it at home.
Alcohol and drugs. Your boy is young and will likely drink more heavily than you and will probably do drugs. And telling someone not to do those things has never worked. Your role is not to stop them – you’re not a real parent and your boy is old enough to make these decisions for himself. However, you do need to look out for him. If you’re out partying, your job is to make sure he’s safe and makes it home okay. And if he starts to show signs of addiction or overuse, make sure you’re they’re to support him in a non-judgmental way or else he may just ignore you and cut you out.
Have a fantastic time with your boy, feel as young as him and don’t let your age stop you from doing anything that he would do. But be a good daddy, the responsible guy that he needs.