This article was published on August 31st, 2016
If you have your heart set on being in a long-term relationship, be aware of these issues and talk about them openly with your new man. Communication is key in every gay relationship. It takes compromise, strength, patience, and understanding.
- Continuing on with old habits. Once you’ve committed to a relationship it’s time to focus on each other. Delete Grindr, Scruff, A4A, Hornet and all the other hook-up apps. It just leads to temptation and doesn’t build trust. If your old routine is to go to the bar to pick up a one-night stand or go to your favourite cruising spot, it’s time to put that on hold. Focus on your new guy. Show him you’re into him, and not random hook-ups.
- Committing too early. Sure, you hit it off after one or two dates, but that doesn’t mean you’re suddenly in a long-term committed relationship. Date for a while and enjoy getting to know each other. Serial dating can be a turn-off.
- Spending too much time with friends. Yes, you and your best friend have a routine of watching your favourite television shows every Thursday night while enjoying a bottle of wine, and hit the gym five mornings a week to push each other to the limit. But what about your new boyfriend? It’s time to get him involved in your activities and routines. It’s good to sit out a few weekends of going out with the guys in exchange for a romantic date night with your new man. Better yet, host a house party with both your friends so both your friends can meet and interact.
- Not talking about the future. It’s important to understand each other’s life goals. Kids, financial position, careers, lifestyle, and priorities are things that should be openly discussed. If he has his heart set on having kids and you can’t stand to be in a restaurant with a screaming baby, it’s probably not going to work out. If you come into the relationship with a mountain of consumer debt, student loans, and work a minimum wage job, and he drives a luxury car and is set on a path for a successful career, will financial equality be an issue, or cause resentment.
- Sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll. Lifestyle interests need to be considered and openly discussed. If one partner uses drugs and the other doesn’t, a discussion about when it is acceptable, how often, and how much needs to take place. Just as it is important to discuss monogamy. If you know you can’t maintain a monogamous relationship, you need to be upfront. Cheating isn’t the way to a successful long-term relationship.