This article was published on May 24th, 2018
Even though the title of this article may suggest otherwise, these tips are not just for bottoms — tops can learn a thing or two as well. Wouldn’t it be nice if fucking was just like it appears in porn? Someone catches your eye, you head back to one of your places, rip off each other’s clothes, spit on your dick, and go balls to the wall. Unfortunately, those five things to do before anal sex are not the things I had in mind. But don’t fret — if you follow these five steps, you’ll be in for a smooth ride (pun intended).
It all starts before you even take off your clothes. Ensuring a proper diet is key to worry free, enjoyable sex — for both the bottom and the top. First off, when you eat healthy, emotional, psychological, and physical well-being is beyond elevated. When you feel confident, you in turn feel sexy. Sexy is good—it gets you off.
As for specifics with bottoming, sticking to high-fiber foods with lots of water, allows for bulking of the stool and appropriate easy exit. Most people cannot eat enough fiber to support this ease and should supplement with additional fiber (either pills or powder). Whichever way you get it—the fiber that is—the less of an issue anal cleansing should become. If you plan on bottoming, try to avoid processed foods, artificial sweeteners, fermented dairy products, spicy foods, and oily/greasy foods, as these tend to be irritable to the gastrointestinal tract and can lead to rapid transit (i.e. diarrhea).
For ‘irritable bowel bottoms’, I don’t have any clear answers, unfortunately. There are some new meds to help, or a lot of people are using CBD. The key is to truly understand what causes a flare up and plan accordingly if anal is on the horizon.
If done correctly, the only two things you’ll have to do before bottoming is go to the bathroom and take a warm, soapy shower. Over-douching (cleaning too deep, with too much force, or with too much water) can cause problems. It can dry out your anus, which can lead to anal fissures, making contracting STD’s more likely, and over time result in douche dependency and prolonged anal irritation. If you’re still worried about potential residue, I recommend a quick “rinse” using bulb irrigation. You may think I’m crazy, but that’s as much water as you need (less is more!).
In order to really prepare your ass for anal penetration, I would suggest starting to ‘train’ 4-6 weeks before your bottoming debut. Why? The anus is a very sensitive area and it’s naturally in a clinching state because it spends almost the entire day in contraction mode, whether you realize it or not. You should treat your anal orifice and sphincter just like any other muscle — it requires its own special workout routine to learn how to relax on command.
The best thing to do is invest in a good anal training kit and water-based or toy-safe lube. The kit should consist of three butt plugs in small, medium, and large sizes. You’ll want to start with the smallest toy and only after using each size with ease (the goal is 1.5-2” in depth) should you move on to the next size (generally about two weeks each). The process goes like this: insert the dilator until it meets resistance (usually only about 2 inches). Hold it there for 3-5 seconds before removing it altogether, applying more lube, and then doing it all over again. For the best results, I recommend repeating this process with 8-12 reps per set and 2-3 sets per session. While this may sound like a lot of work, you should only be spending about 3-5 minutes doing this 2-3 times per week. If it slides nicely, you can go further — everyone’s anatomical roadmap is different, so you may find you need more or less time to get used to the depth and girth.
After comfortably dilating for about 4 weeks, you should be ready for the real thing. An important thing to note, though: contrary to what the name ‘butt plug’ implies, I don’t recommend inserting it all the way in because it can go beyond the muscle and then cause unnecessary tearing when you remove it. The other thing to pay attention to is pain vs. mild discomfort. If it’s your first time doing this, it’s natural to feel uncomfortable with something up your butt — don’t worry. However, if you notice there’s persistent pain and/or bleeding, stop immediately and get in touch with your regular doctor or feel free to give Bespoke Surgical a call.
While most of our advice is for bottoms, the top here plays an equally important role. For the top, it’s primarily understanding the appropriate mechanics and relaxation phases of the receiver, along with proper pelvic placement for engaging.
Patience, proper communication, and relinquishing control will help allow your bottom to safely and pleasurably ride on into the sunset. So many tops just want to go balls deep at full speed and while that may be the goal, it’s definitely not going to happen on the first try. Readjusting your expectations and allowing the bottom to feel trust, patience, and comfort is essential to an enjoyable first couple of experiences for everyone involved.
On the other hand, the physical component involves proper foreplay. Some tops don’t like this and that’s OK, but you’d be surprised how much rimming can help put the bottom at ease and also warm up (and relax) their hole. It is imperative for tops to be a part of the bottoming experience by understanding the art and science behind it. Good tops are hard to cum by.
Once you feel ready for the real thing, there is no such thing as too much lube (the real stuff — no spit!). Water-based or toy-safe lubricants are best during dilating play, whereas silicone lube is our best recommendation during anal intimacy. It’s hard to find any lube that beats the slickness and endurance of silicone and you want lots of both, especially if it’s your first time bottoming. Water-based lube tends to get tacky and dries out quickly. If you use condoms, silicone and water-based lubes are both safe with latex condoms (natural oils, like coconut oil, are not — they will break down the latex and cause the condom to break).
Now that you have perfected dilation, the key to being able to engage anally requires relaxation, good communication, lots of lube, and the proper position(s). When first starting out, I recommend pre-dilating before the first show, all the way up to the large plug, not only to accomplish muscle relaxation, but also to lubricate the entire canal.
While many believe being a bottom may imply wanting to be dominated by the top, this a stereotype. We recommend the bottom being in complete control when first starting to engage. The best way to ensure this is to have the bottom sit on the tip and — just like dilating — engage the muscle, letting it fully relax, then removing the cock and doing it again. It may take three to four times of doing this before your partner is fully in, since the key is full anal canal lubrication and muscle relaxation.
It’s much easier to dictate the depth and speed that feels comfortable when the bottom is on top. Once the bottom feels themselves opening up and there’s no longer any discomfort, feel free to switch things up—change positions, increase the depth, and adjust the speed.
Everyone’s internal map, if you will, is different, so you might find certain positions work better than others based on the length, girth, and curvature of your partner’s cock and the overall position of the bottom’s pelvis. Don’t be afraid to experiment and let your partner know what works and what doesn’t. At the end of the day, you both want to feel pleasure, so good communication is key to make sure you’re both hitting the right spots.
While it may seem crazy, there truly is a science of anal sex. Sure, there are times when we may not have the time, location, or privacy to accomplish all five tips, but our goal at Bespoke Surgical is to arm you with the resources and knowledge behind how to properly engage, from top to bottom. No one likes a pain in the ass, so by following our recommendations, you can avoid some common mistakes people make when having anal sex — either for the first time ever or for the third time today.