The best lubricant for your preferred type of sexual experience

Using the correct lube is simply the first step in achieving a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

Love + Sex Sex Education Dr. Evan Goldstein

This article was published on September 19th, 2018

The best lubricant for your preferred type of sexual experienceSelecting the right lube truly depends on the situation, personal preference, and budgetary requirements. There is no one correct answer to finding the best, but the key is to educate oneself on all the pros and cons of each category, sampling many different types and brands to determine suitability and performance. However, the most important thing to know is that there is no such thing as too much lube (the real stuff — no spit!) Specifically, as it pertains to anal intercourse. The anus is far from self-lubricating, and since anal sex is continuing to gain attention in the mainstream media these days, I wanted to use my medical expertise to highlight the correct lubrication for your preferred type of sexual encounter, from solo to super long, and also the addition of both foreplay and kink.


When things first start getting steamy, there are endless opportunities as to what kinds of toys, techniques, and tricks can get things headed in the right direction. We are huge proponents of foreplay and if done correctly can set potential future anal play up for success.

Oils are all the hype these days and believe me, with their intended for external use, they can not only create a significant tent, but also bring you to premature ejaculation. That’s how good they feel and how long they last – so beware! In fact, they become more slippery as you add heat/friction, which can really amp things up. However, it’s important to note that oil-based lubes are not condom safe (sometimes not toy safe either — check the toy’s packaging), will also stain sheets and surfaces, and technically are not supposed to be used for internal anal play. They, however, are used extensively in massages and also have scents that can be quite stimulating, producing elevated releases of endorphins. Now, if used correctly, it’s a no brainer. The key issue is many of us incorrectly use this as internal anal lubrication. It’s only natural to just slip it in. But it can be quite irritating in that area and, again, is known to break down condoms, if one is donning this type of protection. But, we have been there and for sure sometimes it’s worth it. Specifically, when it heats up both literally and figuratively!   

Oh the toys, toys, toys!

Water-based lubricants are completely toy-friendly and a great start to anal play. They are condom-safe, so can lead from toy to cock seamlessly and (usually) offer natural ingredients that many people love. And one can’t forget the easy wash-ability of not only your asshole, but more importantly, your Frette sheets (can’t forget about those!). Water-based lubricants are clearly not the ultimate lubricant, as many fail to commit to a smooth ride. It’s a little clumpier in application, but remember they are often a cheaper alternative, and therefore come in more generous quantities.

Another alternative is a hybrid (water andsilicone)toy-safe lubricant that takes the lubricity to the next level but dives deeper into your wallet. We do like these more specifically because you do not have to think about changing mid-play from one lube to another. You have the enhanced lubrication and slippery feeling, with the above-mentioned benefits. However, they won’t entirely match the slickness of a pure silicone lube. 

Anal dilation

Anal toys and dilators are key to the success of anal intercourse, along with the longevity of one’s bottoming career. With that, using dilators regularly in either one’s solo play or with partner(s), allows for synchronous relaxation of the anal muscles, all the while creating a well-lubed machine—the machine here being our anal canal. Lube shooters are another great extension of our delivery mechanisms, truly making sure the entire orifice is primed and ready to go. The more, the better, and the hybrids do stay somewhat better localized with that easy glide sensation.   

Anal sex, baby

When it comes to anal sex, lube is a complete necessity and one of the main factors in a pleasurable experience. Hopefully, you have engaged in some proper prior foreplay, where you are as wet as can be and ready for the “D”. Trendy lubricants may look tempting on the shelf, but often times can do more damage than good.  Warming and cooling lubricants, though highly desired and seemingly sexy, should be avoided as they are a known irritant and are not truly designed for anal sex. Desensitizing lubes, unless physician recommended for specific situations, should be avoided as well, in the hopes to avoid anal injury. Or at least hold off on their use until you have proven to yourself that you can fully accommodate your partner. People use these desensitizing lubes in order to not feel anal pain during play. But what we find is, although this may lead to its initial success, it does tend to cause more localized anal issues, such as anal tears and hemorrhoids. It’s not until after the sensation wears off and the session is completed that one feels the wrath of pain.  

Silicone lube is my best recommendation during prolonged anal intimacy. The anus is not self-lubricating like a vagina is, so it is important to have an abundance of lube to prevent discomfort. It’s hard to find any lube that beats the slickness and endurance of silicone and you want lots of both, especially if it’s your first experience.  Don’t forget to use a condom to prevent STIs — silicone and water-based lubes are both safe with latex condoms. Silicone-based lube is hypoallergenic, which makes it a very skin-safe ingredient; people with sensitivity or allergies generally do not have reactions. They also won’t dry out and are waterproof, making them ideal for shower-play. Some people have ethical issues surrounding the long-term use of internal silicone placement, as a potential carcinogen. This has not yet fully explored in literature and with so many other options available if one believes this, you should not have an issue. Alternatives are in abundance.

Related story: Slide right in with the all new Wet Lubricants 


The type of lube you use should always be considered and well thought out before exploring anal play, specifically in the beginning stages of learning to engage properly. Regardless of what one uses, it’s not only the lubricant one needs to think about, but also the material of the toys in which it encounters. All varietals can create differing effects and each kind may alter one’s experiences. The best thing is to try ‘em all (and why the fuck not)? Certain situations may dictate what you use, specifically if the next step is full-on penetration. Again, it ain’t easy being on the bottom!

It’s important to remember that the key to successful anal engagement requires the application of proper technique, science, and communication.  The correct lube is simply the first step in achieving a healthy and fulfilling sex life.  Remember, if your full desires have not been met yet with success, then see a gay medical specialist who truly understands not only the science of gay sex, but also harnesses the sensitivities of sexual identity.

Need more information? Contact Bespoke Surgery, today.

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