8 ways to make friends-with-benefits really work

Sustain a friends-with-benefits relationship with a friend by following this advice to make sure neither of you gets hurt, and remain friends in the end.

Love + Sex Hooking Up Koelen Andrews

This article was published on January 2nd, 2019

Sex isn’t hard to cum by for gay men. There’s Grindr, Scruff, the internet, the remaining porn on Tumblr, Tindr, Bumble, and a whole lot of recourses for guys to get off with each other. But finding a regular sex partner without the hang ups of a relationship, plus holding onto a fuck buddy, can be two different stories. Here are eight ways to be the best friends-with-benefits that you can be while keeping your friendship strong, your sex-life stronger, and without having to commit to a relationship.

  1. Establish what it is that you want. You don’t want in a relationship, but you don’t want to be promiscuous or having sex with different partners all the time. Consult with yourself and realize what it is that you want out of a fuck buddy.
  2. Communication is key. Just that neither of you get into anything you don’t want to or over your heads, talking about what it is you both want will clear the way for solidifying a healthy amigo derecha relationship. Set boundaries between the two of you before things get too hot and heavy. 
  3. Keep it real. Honesty is the best thing to hold onto when in a friends-with-benefits relationship. Because you’re not in a romantic relationship with one another, you should have no problem with letting the other down as long as there is honest communication
  4. Don’t confuse heated sex feelings for love emotions. Sustaining a healthy friends-with-benefits means not letting your heart get involved in your actions. The second you start to feel something more for your friend than a plutonic sex friendship, it becomes time to fess up and most likely dissolve this thing you have going between the two of you.  
  5. Always practice safe sex. Even if you two are only having sex with one another, it’s best to keep yourself protected against any unwanted sexually transmitted illnesses (STIs). Condoms and your daily PrEP regiment are good armor in keeping yourself sexually healthy. 
  6. Don’t take things too seriously. You don’t want in a relationship for a reason: you don’t like hang ups and don’t want commitment at this juncture of your life. So don’t put false or inflated expectations on your fuck buddy friend or yourself.
  7. Respect isn’t just an Aretha Franklin (may she RIP) song. There needs to be a level of respect between you and your friend-with-benefits. This is a sexual partner that you want to stick around for multiple, stress free encounters. Treat them as you would wish to be treated: with the respect and dignity you’d give to yourself.
  8. It’s about being friends, first. You started getting involved with your friends-with-benefits in the first place because you are friends and enjoy hanging out/one another’s company. Just because you are boning doesn’t mean you’ve got to discontinue hanging out as homies. Go out and do stuff that isn’t relationship-ish, but is something two amigos might go do. That way, if things don’t work out for you sexually, you can still sustain a level of friendship. Or at least be able to greet one another cordially when out and about. 

A friends-with-benefits isn’t for everyone. But as the dichotomy of relationships evolves faster than RuPaul’s opinions on Drag Race, our ideology also changes with what we want out of our relationships with people. Keep an open mind and an open heart, but don’t hold onto expectations. You’ll be fine and might have the best sex of your life, since you already have a connection as people.

8 ways to make friends-with-benefits really work
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