Abusive relationships

The number of abusive relationships is on the rise in the gay community. Find out what you can do to help combat the epidemic.

Love + Sex Relationship Advice Koelen Andrews

This article was published on January 10th, 2019

Some gay relationships that be as toxic as healthy. It could be the tendency to be in open relationships or too much testosterone between two men than can turn things into an abusive situation. Unfortunately, it this doesn’t just happen to gay men. Here’s a look at abusive relationships between same-sex couples is destroying the gay community from the inside out like a silent killer. 

Abusive relationships

How do you know you’re in a bad relationship that involves abuse?Well, one in four same-sex couples have experienced domestic violence in comparison to one in every four heterosexual women experiencing the same percentage. But if things don’tget physical, are you still considered to be in an abusive relationship? Yes, according to researchers and LGBT rights advocates. 

But knowing how bad your relationship has gotten isn’t always the easiest thing to deduce. According to the LGBT Center in San Diego, California, here are some tell-tale signs you are in an abusive relationship:

Abusive relationships

Does your partner fight with you constantly?It could be that your partner raises their voice and keeps you up at night yelling. Try to isolate you from people you from the people you love and are closest to. Other signs include constantly erratic actions, threatening you, calling you derogatory names, blaming you for the abuse, changing rules without notice, and blaming their actions on drugs or alcohol. Here are more signs of abusive relationships

The most common form of abusive relations is verbal and psychological abuse from one partner to another. No race is excluded from abusive relations between queer people. But abuse situations typically spring up in gay relationships from one partner who was—in many cases—previously abused themselves as children or young adults. Through physical, emotional, mental, and psychological mistreatment, a partner will batter their partner into a form of submission that leaves the other feeling abused and a victim of this ill-treatment. 

Abusive relationships

Why are abusive relations more common in gay couples than in straight couples?Often, there is an isolation one feels either from their community or their families. Many victims of domestic abuse just aren’t reporting that they have been abused in the first place. Many more are embarrassed to ask for help. Many cities don’t have proper domestic violence and abuse relations programs and services for queer people and couples. Authorities don’t often have the right training to deal with same-sex domestic abuse survivors.

Gay people, in turn, are often afraid to come forward as a victim of said abuse. They either don’t want to ostracize themselves from the queer community, and don’t want to highlight the negative side to homosexual coupling. There are few laws that protect same sex couples with domestic abuse cases.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship or needs help dealing with an abusive relationship, call the National Domestic Abuse hotline: 1−800−799−7233. Domestic abusive relationships erode the structure of the community from within. All queer people need to be able to live in a place where they feel they have a safe space to be able to turn to in times of need. 

The more people that come out about their abuse, the less of a stigma there is for other people to come out. And eventually, there will be supplemental programs to help those who have suffered as a result of abusive relations. For the time being, report suspicious activities. Make sure your friends know they can turn to you as a confidant. Don’t brush negative situations aside: take note and document them. Educate yourself and your friends about what immediate resources are available in your community. Find out more about what you can do to help the epidemic of abuse in gay relationships.


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