This article was published on February 18th, 2019

Gay relationships can be complicated. Open, closed, friends with benefits. It’s hard to know whether you’re coming or going sometimes with your boyfriend/ husband/ man. You might be head over heals in love with someone who just isn’t that into you. But how can you tell? What are the sure-fire signs that he’s either over it or not looking for the same thing? What are the ways to tell he’s just not feeling you?

He can’t put down his phone when he’s around you. Your guy should enjoy the time he spends with you, while not leaving you wondering whether or not he values you. Someone who spends as much time on their phones as they do talking to to you needs to not be in a relationship if they cannot cut the umbilical cord. Occasional phone usage is fine, but life is short. There’s not reason two people dating or together shouldn’t be spending quality time together versus drowning in an Instagram vortex.

He takes forever to respond or doesn’t answer at all. It can be really frustrating when your partner doesn’t get back to you in a timely manner. This is often a game of control that guys will play that can leave you feeling left in the dark. Don’t fall victim to this trap. If he cannot respect you enough for a response within a decent amount of time, he doesn’t deserve any of your attention. It’s not like he can make the excuse of having his phone off or not seeing the message: it’s 2019, after all. 

He makes excuses as to why he cannot hang out or says he is too busy. No one, not even the president, is too busy to be with the people they want to surround themselves with. No one is ever “too busy”. “Too busy” means they aren’t managing their time effectively enough to function like an adult and have time to share with you. A guy who makes these types of excuses isn’t completely devoted to you or the thought of you both, and it’s time to move on to someone who does want to spend time with you. As they should; you’re worth someone’s time. 

He makes no indication of wanting to move forward with your relationship. Someone who is just not feeling you won’t want anything more than what you’ve got in the moment. You don’t have to move in together,  but if a guy can’t at least solidify what your relationship is, and be man enough to talk about whether or not it’s going to progress, then thank you, next. He ain’t wanting to be with you. 

He doesn’t want to have sex anymore or changes your sexual relationship. Someone who is into you should want to plow your brains out, not pull the headache card and back out of it. Men are horny bastards who constantly think about sex. If he is suddenly devoid of sexual interests or just no longer wishes to have sex, he’s either getting it from somewhere else or he is no longer sexually attracted to you. Neither is a comforting feeling but a diminished sex life could be a negative indicator. 

Pay attention to the way he talks about you. First off, if he isn’t bringing you up or new friends of his that you meet have never heard of you, it’s pretty clear he isn’t telling his nearest and dearest about you. If he introduces you as his friend, same difference. If he doesn’t bother to introduce you at all, then drop him like a bad habit. The way a man handles seeing, fucking, and hanging out with a guy in front of his friends and family can help you realize the extent of which he is actually into you. Gayting someone shouldn’t have to include pricing your worth and existence.

He tries to change you or puts you and your flaws down all the time. Look—none of us are perfect, least of all him. And you can never change people: you can only change the way YOU react to and handle people. Him trying to mold you into his cookie cutter perfect prototype of a Stepford husband won’t work and will only leave you feeling animosity and mistrust. He should love you as you are and take you for what you are as a person and partner. 

He never asks about you. If you find your relationship is lacking any substance like real conversation, You have to ask yourself if there’s any depth to your relationship in the first place. If he’s never asking about you, your day, your life, and what’s important to you, the chances are he either doesn’t care or can’t see beyond his own nose to be bothered caring for or about another person. If he never asks you about you, it’s time to ask yourself if you wouldn’t just be better off without the guy. There are a hellova lot worse things than being single.