Confronting an enemy

Confronting an enemy is never easy, but it is sometimes necessary.

HomoCulture Koelen Andrews

This article was published on May 4th, 2019

The reality in this life is that not everyone is going to like you. And you won’t always like everyone, either. It sucks, but it is true. You’ll spend far too long trying to appease everyone or make all the folks like you. There are easy ways to avoid these types of people, but sometimes, you are called to task with letting someone with ill feelings towards you know that it is ok that the two of you can coexist on the same planet together. Confronting someone that doesn’t like you is never something easy, but it is important every adult needs to learn how to do to in order to be progress in life.

“Execute that for me” is a common phrase used. It means for you to really, thoroughly think through the possible outcomes of confronting someone with disdain towards you. Not everyone thinks this way. You should be prepared to walk away with an outcome you desire or envision. The person you confront could tell you to dream on, get fucked, piss off, or hope you die. And you need to be ready for that. Before you do any kind of confronting whatsoever, imagine the consequences of doing so, beforehand.

Now, decide what it is youwant out of this confrontation. Are you trying to establish territory and let a bitch know she needs to back off? Are you attempting to extend an olive branch? Apologize or set the record straight? Part of the execution of all of this is preparing yourself for the outcome you want to happen, and making sure to behave in a manner that aids in achieving that conclusion. 

Keep it cool, girl. No one responds well to a bully, yelling, aggressiveness. If you stay calm, cool, and collected, you’ll be able to walk away knowing you presented your case like a mature adult, versus a raving lunatic. No one responds well to lunacy and shouting. Even if the other person is going off on you, just breathe and be cool.

There are right and wrong ways of telling someone off. Most people do not care to be put into their place by another person. Instead of saying accusative language like “you did” and “you said,” use less confrontational vernacular like: “I felt” and “It seemed” and “To me, I..” This takes some of the heat of blame off of the other person and comes off as empathetic versus seeming like you are accusing them.

Be honest. In the end, your feelings are your truth, and they are valid. You felt contempt, animosity, anger, resentment, or distaste for said person for good reason. You felt such and such a way for these actions and what you viewed as unbecoming of a friend characteristics. Don’t be shocked or taken off guard when the person standing opposite you has grievances against you, too. Hopefully, these issues would be more valid than fickle shit like “I just don’t like you”. But that is assuming the person you are confronting is also an adult. 

Tell them whats up. Be short, sweet, and direct. Offer what resolution you would like to see. If you’re coworkers, you’ve still got to work together, and a more amicable workspace would probably be desired. If you’d earnestly like to be friends, say that and then make the effort to make that happen. If you wish that bitch would never look your way again, don’t call them a bitch. But don’t shy away from your desire to never see them again, either. 

Offer peace or separation. Either you want peace with them, or you want to build some kind of connection with them. Or you never want to see them again in your life. It’s pretty much one of those three options. Knowing which you’d prefer will help you set the tone of the entire confrontation and goes back full circle to step one.

In the end, prepare yourself to be able to walk away, either way. Not all people are good people for you in your life. Ready yourself for the reality that you might have to have future dealings with this person, if things don’t somehow end amicably. We can’t always be friends with everyone. But if you go into a confrontation like a level headed, mature adult, you’ll walk away feeling good that you did what you could to try and make the situation better.

Confronting an enemy
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