This article was published on June 19th, 2019
You’ve cleaned your apartment with the same ferocity that you cleaned out your booty hole. Bed is made. Lube and poppers stand sentinel on the nightstand. Porn playing on the TV in the background. Jock strap adorned, you are ready to be taken to orgasmic glory with a one way ticket on the pound town express.
But when the guy shows up, turns out he is as much of a nelly, dick-loving bottom as you are. At that point, you can either decide to switch hit it up and tag team each other, get out your sex toy collection, or send that kween packing before he even gets his thong off.
Surely instances like this have happened before, but it’s up to you to plan better sexcapades. To avoid the unexpected, you’ve got to start pre-screening your tricks.
Sound daunting? What’s worse than prepping for an all-night fuck fest, then having the entire experience fall flat or not happen at all? You don’t have to full on Sherlock a dude, but a little knowledge goes a long way.
Time is money honey, and it feels like shit having your precious existence on this planet waisted by experiences that aren’t ideal. You don’t have to orally drill your soon-to-be partner but doing some preliminary questioning could save the both of you a lot of stress and frustration.
Pictures are a must; video is better. If that mofo doesn’t have clear imagery of how he looks, shirt off and not, steer clear of that river, honey. Get those selfies and pics from him and ready to send, yourself. In 2019, everyone has a smart phone to send over a juicy sext or 20. Tell him: must send nudes.
A basic: “What’re you into?” is a great way to get this ball rolling. You can follow it up with a listing of things that help get you off. Be as specific about yourself as you want to be—the more thorough the information exchange is between the both of you, the easier it will be for you two to determine if you are each other’s fuck buddy material.
Use the response he gives you as an indicator of a lot of things. If a guy is completely honest about his interests and kinks, it should be easy for you to weed out the ones that don’t float your boat. If the guy is a total dud for you, be nice and tell him you aren’t into the same things, so that he knows it’s you that isn’t interested. He can go on looking for trade elsewhere. He might even thank you for the frankness.
Unless it’s blood, violence, or scat, try and be open when he is upfront about his fetishes. If it isn’t your bag, it isn’t your bag. So, don’t cause any baggage between the two of you if you aren’t feeling what he’s into or what he has to offer. Avoid being dramatic by being upfront. Honesty, as they say dear gay boys, is the best policy.
Finally, before either of you is on your way over, go over with the guy exactly what it is you will be doing. Just so you’re clear about what it is you are signing up for. You avoid any confusion by reiterating expectations and add a little foreplay sex talk beforehand. It’s a win-win.
Hopefully before too long, you’ll be able to weed through enough hookup frogs to find your prince…or just your new hookup. Screen your tricks for the best possible sex scenario.