This article was published on December 7th, 2019
Show your friends, family, significant other, and even your cat that you’re gay and a complete domestic diva with your baking skills this Christmas. Or better yet—host a cookie exchange or baking party where everyone brings a baked goods to exchange, going home with a variety of fabulous holiday treats. What’s in your oven? These are HomoCulture’s favorite gay baked dishes at Christmas:
Faggy Pudding. An older, more traditionally English Christmas dessert, most of us know this baked deliciousness from the carol: “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”. Bring us some figgy pudding, damnit, made with figs, buttermilk, eggs, nutmeg, and cinnamon. Figgy/Faggy pudding is best heated with some whipped cream mixed with liquor. Who doesn’t like oozing white stuff cascading down humps of dessert?
Give Me Some Sugar sugar cookies. Super easy to make, Christmas sugar cookies are a staple during the holiday season. Grab some icing and fun decorative bling to make everything from cookie snowmen to reindeer to Christmas trees and stars. The options are limitless with a Christmas cookie cutter set, accompanied by plenty of decorative candies. Reindeer can easily be made into unicorns. Stars of David make great diva stars. And Santa Claus can be made into a bear daddy *snap* like that!
Queenie Toffee. One of the absolute most easy Christmas desserts to make, toffee is all in the ingredients, baby. As basic as they are, the chopped almonds, chocolate chips, sea salt, butter and sugar combined make toffee the crunchy, sweet/savory Christmas combination we grew to love as kids. You can throw caution to the wind, rip off your wig, be wild, and add fun things like red and green M&Ms chopped in half to the mix.
Penis Brittle. Similar to toffee in set up and creation, peanut brittle relies on corn syrup and baking soda for its crunchy, solid consistency. Peanut brittle is often bunched up and given as a Christmas dessert gift, whether in a tin or tied up in twine or holiday ribbon. This sweet, peanut delight is perfect to bring to any seasonal gathering. Just call it penis brittle and voila! It’s great for the gay holiday gathering.
No One Likes a Shitty Kitty Fudge. Like Christmas cookies, fudge is great because it is a Christmastime signature dessert that can be dressed up or down for the occasion. Also a simple recipe, fudge just takes a little bit of chocolate, milk, and butter before it goes straight into the oven for heating. Wait until fudge cools down, and you can add icing, sprinkles, or a heated fruit glaze. Fudge can also be made with nuts for all you nut-loving gay squirrels out there.
Magic G Gingerbread Stripper men. Run, run as fast as you can! Christmas’ flavor has got to be gingerbread, and is any Xmas baking party complete without some Gingerbread men or gingerbread house? The most complicated recipe in this list is actually quite easy to bake and create once all the ingredients are gathered. Gingerbread is all about that nutmeg, molasses, brown sugar, ginger, baking soda, egg, and butter-liciousness that just capture the taste of Christmas men in every bite. Add fun accessories like suspenders, bowties, and massive genitalia to make them extra gay gay gay!