This article was published on April 1st, 2020
Netflix recently launched a show featuring sex advice from Sophie and Rebecca, aka, the Cock Destroyers, to promote a new season of their sex education series. It’s clever marketing, using porn stars who are popular on social media to explain the mechanics of sex, and name drop their binge-worthy titles. But the series also highlights a problematic reality – that a lot of young people still learn the basics of sex through porno – which is not a realistic, accurate or reliable source of information.
However, with their larger than life personalities and assets, Sophie and Rebecca make several funny and salient points about the woefully inadequate curriculum of traditional, heteronormative Sex Ed. As they say, there’s no known cure for heterosexuality!
Most queer people will look back and remember Sex Ed from high school not because of what they learned, but because of the glaring omissions regarding the variety of ways that sex can be enjoyed. Sex is not just about physiology and pregnancy. Wouldn’t the world be a better, more accepting place, if the following facets of sex were taught to everyone during our formative, adolescent years?
PrEP and PEP
There will always be some fundamentals to Sex Ed – putting a condom on a piece of fruit is practically a rite of passage. But with advancements in medicine, from the pill to PrEP, young people can take their reproductive and sexual health into their own hands. Now, gay men can be proactive and reactive, with PrEP and PEP, to ensure they are protected from HIV transmission, both before and after sexual encounters.
It’s incredible to think about how much progress has been made in regard to safe sex, and how many of the fears and mistruths of HIV and AIDS can now be dispelled. Safer sex practices should be a priority for everyone, regardless of age or sexual orientation. Indeed, getting regular sexual health tests should be encouraged. Young people should feel comfortable consulting a doctor or health professional both before and after becoming sexually active, as a vital step to enjoying a healthy sex life.
Rather than having to figure out how gay men have sex, young people should be taught the steps to pleasuring your partner, which is equally as important for straight kids to learn. It would be a vast improvement to merely stick to the facts of anal – there is a male erogenous zone in the anus, gay men may choose to douche before sex if they plan on bottoming, and lubricant is so very important. Finally, straight people have anal sex too!
Simple terminology like top, bottom and versatile should be explained, along with the caveat that these labels are only a guide. Anal sex should always be something you discuss with your partner, and you can always stop if you feel uncomfortable.
Gender and Identity
The complexities of the LGBTQ acronym should be broken down and explained, particularly when it comes to gender and identity. Bisexual visibility matters. Trans bodies are beautiful. It’s only through education that we can move forward and advance equality.
When it comes to sex, some things are non-negotiable. Consent is mandatory, and this message needs to come across loud and clear.
As the Cock Destroyers tout, sex should be fun, and it can be funny. Young people should be taught to experiment with their desires, and to do so without shame or fear. Sex toys aren’t typically on the Sex Ed agenda, but if they were, the conversation would be focused on what really matters – enjoying sex, by yourself and with others.
Sex is a fundamental part of the queer identity; however, you choose to express yourself and whoever you choose to express yourself with. Thankfully, the times, they are a changin’. Today, teachers and educators are beginning to understand and respect the needs of their students across the spectrum of sexuality.
The next generation of young queer people deserves to benefit from the hard-won rights of the movement towards equality. Love is love. The truth will set us free! So, it’s fundamental for all youth to be taught how to safely engage in sex, whether they’re straight, gay, bisexual or questioning of their sexual orientation.