7 Queer Sex Myths You Should Stop Believing

Debunking the myths, lies and misinformation surrounding queer sex.

Love + Sex Sex Education Brian Webb

This article was published on April 21st, 2021

There is a whole bunch of falsehoods out there regarding queer sex. The misconceptions come from a lack of proper information. Others stem from ignorance and “bubble-thinking.”

If you are new to the queer community, you could end up buying into some of these deceptions, which could later have adverse outcomes.

We’ve debunked some of those myths that you should stop believing:

1. Gay sex is only through penetration 

The art of anal sex has long been associated with gayness. There is this notion that you can only be gay if you wreck or have someone go up your rear end which is false. 

It is okay to be gay and not like anal. A 2018 study by Bespoke Surgical on 300 gay men showed that only one in six had anal sex less than once a year.

There are plenty of other ways in which gay people can derive pleasure besides penetration. From rimming, kissing, blowjob or nipple play, the list is endless.

2. Being ‘Queer’ means you are ‘gay.’

No. Identifying as a queer person does not equate to being gay. Being ‘queer’ is an umbrella term that refers to people whose gender identity or sexual orientation is non-heterosexual. 

In other words, queer is an identity often associated with a person outside of the heterosexual norm. It conveys “a sense of inclusivity and acceptance.”

The next time someone identifies as queer, please do not confuse it with being gay.

3. Bisexuality is ‘just a phase.’

Of all the queer myths to ever exist, this one certainly takes the crown. It is a lazy stereotype implying that people are blind to the fact that this sexuality exists. This rhetoric is deeply rooted in homophobia as heteros often assume that these individuals will ‘revert’ to a state of monosexuality. 

It is worth acknowledging that sexuality is a spectrum meaning people can get attracted to one or both genders or even none at all.

4. Penetration is as easy as pie.

Gay porn has conditioned us into believing that penetration happens just like that. A bit of foreplay here and there and then bam… the real action takes place. 

What they don’t show is the rigorous preparation that happens behind the scenes, such as douching and using lube.

As the bottom, you must lay the groundwork before having anal sex to avoid cringe-worthy moments or risk injury. Incorporate a few foreplay techniques to enable your butt to relax as well as lubricating it for a smooth ride.

5. There is no need for protection if we’ve slept together before

In an era where cheating is and continues to be rampant, you cannot be sure if your partner contracted an STI and is likely to pass it to you. 

There is no need to take chances. Strap and wrap that meat. Unless you’ve both got tested before having sex, there should be no qualms whatsoever about protection.

6. Masc. guys are tops/effeminate guys are bottoms

Yet another widely misconstrued phrase that rides on physical traits or race. There is a belief that a person’s role is a fixed state and is not bound to change. 

People often associate being a top with “dominance”, while bottoms are seen as individuals of “lower stature.” 

For instance, a masculine, bearded black guy could be regarded as a top while a relatively tall, lanky, and perhaps effeminate man is framed as a bottom.

The fact is that there are no fixed roles. You can decide to choose a preference based on the encounter or mood.

7. Gay men have tons of sex.

Popular media has for a long time perpetuated a sexual agenda that labels gay men as promiscuous. You know gay guys are a horny bunch with high sex drives. Well, there could be some truth to that, but not all of them are after sex, and not always.

Everyone is different. Just like heterosexuals, some gay guys are after serious relationships. They want to express themselves openly without necessarily involving sex. 

And despite difficulties created by stigma and social prejudice, studies show that gay relationships are as stable as those of their straight partners.

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