This article was published on May 6th, 2021

For the yet uninitiated, a verse, short for versatile, is used to describe a gay or bi guy who likes it both ways in bed. They can either be a top or bottom during sex.

Most people, including in the gay community, have a hard time understanding verse guys. How can someone have their cake and eat it too?

They don’t get that your role in bed is non-binary and that you can enjoy wildly different sides of the game.

Indeed, truly verse guys are real and among us. They exist in droves but tend to get left out in conversation because the world tends to think in binaries.

The verse life is awesome! You can have it both ways. But, it does come with its own challenges. Here are nine verse struggles that only truly verse gay guys will understand.

The verse struggles

1. People assume you’re a bottom in denial

Most people erroneously assume that verse gay guys are just too ashamed to be exclusive bottoms.

Far from it, versatile guys actually enjoy both topping and bottoming. They derive almost equal pleasure from both experiences.

2. You have to deal with bottom stereotypes and stigma

Let’s face it; there is a certain stigma and stereotypes associated with bottoms, aka, bottom shaming. They are seen as more femme in contrast to the macho man adored by the community.

The underserved stigma also extends to versatile guys even when they fit the “ideal” description of dom top.

3. To prepare or not, for bottoming

One of the biggest verse struggles is that versatile guys are never sure whether to prepare to bottom or not. You may go to a party ready to top only to fall for a guy who prefers topping exclusively.

Word of advice borrowed from the scout’s motto: Be always prepared.

4. Hookups assuming since you’ve bottomed (or topped) you always play that role

People you’ve hooked up with before assume you want to play the role you played during your last encounter, even when you might want to switch.

Truth be told, there are some days you either want to pound someone or be pounded. Communicate your feelings.

5. Persuading people you’re “100% versatile.”

If you’re neither top nor bottom, what are you? In a world used to seeing black and white, convincing people you’re grey becomes daunting.

People have a hard time believing you don’t prefer one position to the other. For most versatile guys, their choice depends on a whole slew of factors, including who you’re sleeping with, your current mood, intoxication levels, etc.

6. Missing sexual encounters because the other party wants a specific position

Some guys, especially bottoms, only sleep with guys from the opposite role, i.e., exclusive tops. They assume that since verse guys also bottom, they can’t possibly make good tops.

Guys assume you can’t be a proper top or bottom because you don’t lean on either side. The logic makes no sense at all.

7. Always at the mercy of your hookup’s position

Verse guys are usually at the mercy of the hookup’s position. If he’s the bottom, you top. If he’s bottom, then you top. Unless he’s also verse, you’re stuck with the opposite role of your hookup, even when you’d love to flip-fuck.

8. Deciding on your role in a relationship

Just because your sexual role is non-binary doesn’t mean you can’t pick a role in a relationship. You also don’t have to.

Most relationships need some structure and clearly defined roles to succeed. Otherwise, conflicts arise.

9. Never fully satisfied when in a relationship with a one-position guy

Entering a relationship with an exclusive position guy never satisfied you, and that’s the truth. You’ll always find yourself wondering what could be.

You also end up feeling short-changed and resentful, which can quickly derail the relationship.

Carefully weigh your options before going into a relationship with someone who is strictly one position.