10 Myths About Gay Virginity

Gay virginity doesn't mean breaking your bussy cherry, and you don't have to do it how or when others tell you to.

Love + Sex Sex Education Sean Kivi

This article was published on October 13th, 2021

When you’re talking about sex, you shouldn’t focus on words like “gay,” “queer,” and “bisexual.” The word that fits will make its way into your repertoire, and it might not be any of these. You don’t need to define yourself to experience hot, man-on-man sex. Sex between two men is beautiful, and it can be very passionate. It’s also a bit more difficult to start because putting it in your rear can be painful. If you want to know how you can make it more enjoyable, read about how poppers help with anal

It’s okay to be nervous or slightly afraid the first time. Can we even describe the first time? How do we know that we are no longer gay virgins? Our sex can muddle the waters a bit. When a man and woman have sex, the woman knows she is no longer a virgin when her hymen breaks, but we don’t have a hymen. Perhaps a “bussy” is the closest thing we have to a hymen, but we can’t break it and say we aren’t virgins. So, here are some myths about gay virginity to help you better navigate your gay sex and know how to talk about virginity. 

Virginity is a concept meant for us

The whole idea of virginity is based on heterosexuality. The V-card means vagina card. At its core, you can look at virginity however you want. For some people, oral sex can mean that you aren’t a virgin anymore. Some others think you need to pop your butt cherry. Our community adopted the word virginity and referred to it for anal intercourse. That is slightly ironic because our lesbian counterparts have vaginal sex. The point is, you shouldn’t think virginity is something you need to talk about because it doesn’t apply to us in the same way. The concept of virginity was made for straight people.  

You must have anal to lose your gay virginity

Everyone has their idea of what sex is. You should be free to create your ideas about it. If that means you only like oral fun, then that is your sexual expression. What’s most important here is to ensure that people aren’t making you feel invalidated and insecure because your sexual encounters are different from theirs.

There’s a right age for losing your virginity

If you lose your virginity early, you aren’t a slut. If you lose it late, it doesn’t make you a loser. Nobody can define your optimal age for having sex the first time. Do it on your time, and don’t feel pressured by societal norms. So, be free to define losing your virginity however you want because taking it in the mouth is just as much fun as up the derriere.

Your first time will be perfect

It won’t be. You’ll be a novice, and between you and the person you choose, someone will likely gag to the point of vomiting. If you’re doing anal and bottoming, you’ll likely have a strong pain the first time it goes inside you. If you’re topping, you will probably hurt your bottom. Losing your gay virginity, whether orally or anally, will likely be a messy, painful experience the first time. But, you’ll get over that and learn to love the experiences you have with other men. 

You can’t get an STD the first time

You can get an STD anytime you have sex. Just because you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you should not play safe. Virgins get STD’s too! You can keep safe by always using a condom. Prep won’t help you out against STDs that aren’t HIV. So, always cover your willy because even as a virgin, you can contract something nasty if you’re not safe. 

People have many ideas of what it means to lose your gay virginity. Most of their ideas are based on societal norms rather than collective experiments. Don’t let people pressure you because they think virginity is defined a certain way. We gave you five reasons why that is not okay. The gay virginity myths we exposed here can help you have a safer sex life and have fun. 

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