Anal Sex Doesn’t Have to Be a Pain in The Butt

You can potentially put two raccoons in your butt simultaneously.

Love + Sex Sex Education Sean Kivi

This article was published on March 23rd, 2022

We have all had to bottom for the first time before. Whether it is with someone who is well endowed or moderately sized, your first time is a pain in the butt (literally). Some people even refer to it as a “telephone pole through the ass into your guts.” Although we understand this, many people overlook how they can make their first anal experience pleasurable, clean, and smooth. 

If you want to know why anal sex hurts and how you can solve this problem, keep reading because we got loads of information for you. 

Let’s start with the basics of the anus. When you understand the ins and outs of your hole, it’s easier to avoid painful tears to its lining. Nobody wants that because these tears are opportunistic for many diseases, especially HIV. You should always wear a condom when having sex, no matter the occasion unless you have been in a closed relationship and know your partner and their habits well. Still, if you partake in unprotected anal sex, anal fissures (tears) are extremely painful and almost always result in a seroconversion (when your body is adjusting to contracting HIV).

Your anus is extremely flexible. According to most medical textbooks, it can open up as wide as 7 inches. But let’s be real, the anus can stretch much wider than this. A doctor once fished out a 12 inch long and 8-inch wide roll of salami from a patient’s rectum. 96 square inches of salami is much larger than 7 inches but opening your hole up this wide will require tons of practice and patience. Think of it as gauging your ears. It takes time, it’s painful, and is best done with specialized instruments. If anal sex hurts, it merely means you’re not prepared for the occasion. 

But what can you do to make your sphincter more spacious, and why do people do it? For men, the answer is clear. It is very pleasurable because our anus and its insides are full of organs that feel good when hit. The male G Spot is perfect for making you moan and squirm with pleasure, so not preparing your butt for things to be inserted is like a bird without wings. Miserable, depressed, and boring. Here’s how you can safely meet your #holegoals.

The anus doesn’t self-lubricate like a vagina unless you happen to pass wind after an excellent session in the bedroom. In which case, you may need to run to the toilet during dinner to grab some toilet paper and wipe the remains that have evacuated your body. So you need to take it slow and use lots of lube. Always use a condom. Lube on a condom can actually make insertion easier because of the latex in a condom. It also ensures that what’s going into you is smooth.

If you’re not quite ready for a dick, start using fingers. They are usually much smaller, but make sure that fingernails are well-trimmed. You definitely don’t want a fingernail cut on the bum. Then once you feel comfortable with your fingers, you can move up to dilators and larger-sized dildos. The more you practice, the easier anal sex will be. 

Next, learn how to relax your body. You can fit a golf ball through a garden hose, but you can get someone inside your hole by relaxing. You can breathe slowly to loosen up any tension you may have. Then, start with just the head before going balls deep. In fact, if it is your first time, you may only be able to go in a few inches. It doesn’t mean you can get more in later, but it’s always better to be safe than sorry. 

Keep in mind that you will probably have a little bit of pain after your first time when you walk. This is normal, and you shouldn’t be alarmed unless the pain is severe or you’re bleeding profusely. Once you start to take larger items in the derriere, you will notice that your hole is probably stretched out larger than before. Pooping will likely be easier and less painful. Really, what could be negative about that coupled with access to your insides for pleasure?

Don’t worry, though, it will return to its normal size if you go an extended period without sex. 

Here we learned many things. We know why anal sex hurts, how we can prepare ourselves for the first time we will have anal sex, and that our rectum is so flexible that you could potentially fit two raccoons inside you at the same time. The next time you’re feeling scared about anal sex, just remember to take it slow. It will hurt at first, but there are many things you can do to help yourself relax and learn to enjoy the pleasure of your body. 

What do you do to get ready for anal sex? Do you have any stories where people will say, “been there done that?” We would love to hear them! Let us know in the comments section below.

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