How to Date as a Newly Out Gay Guy

Dating tips and advice for gay men who have just come out.

Love + Sex Dating Peter Minkoff

This article was published on April 19th, 2022

You’ve finally crossed that bridge and revealed to your loved ones that you are gay. You made a decision to come out, went through your rebirth, and now you’re ready to date. It might be difficult to date as a gay guy, whether it’s your first time or you’ve done it before. You might be concerned that you’ll make all of the common gay dating mistakes or that you don’t understand all of the gay dating rules. Whatever your concerns, we’ll do everything we can to assist you in learning how to date as a newly out gay man.

You do you

The right way to date doesn’t exist. Why? Because each person is unique and what applies to one situation, won’t apply to the next so on. Therefore, being your unique self is the way to be. You don’t have to fall into a certain category of a gay guy to be able to date. You might behave differently than those who’ve been out for a long time. But, that doesn’t mean you’ll be less successful. 

Be curious about people

We’re all bound to have a certain type. Even if people tell you they don’t have a type, until they start working on themselves, they won’t see how they constantly date the same person. We won’t go into a full analysis of why we repeat the same patterns in dating and how to overcome them. But, we’ll tell you to be curious about people you meet. You’re just starting out and you’re not fatigued by dating, so it’s a great moment to tailor your approach to dating. The best approach is to be curious, explore your options and go on dates with different people. 

Go to people who know the ins and out of the gay dating scene

Let’s be honest – love is the deepest desire behind dating. People who decide to date, go on this journey to find love and a long-term relationship. Those that do not want to invest their time, emotions or any other resource they consider valuable, are just fine with swiping. There’s nothing wrong with that. But, if you are honest with yourself and what you want to get out of dating, you can get gay dating opportunities tailored to your needs, preferences, values and interests. A gay dating agency knows everything there is to be known about gay dating. These professionals will take you on a journey that will change your life. 

Find your crew

Being newly out and trying to navigate the unexplored terrain of gay dating can be stressful. Even if your straight friends are your trusted confidants, they can do so much. They can only listen to you and give you emotional support. But what you need is your own community, your crew of gay people you can spend time with. Meet people through apps, LGBTQ communities and other online communities. 

Let them coach you with dating apps tips and tricks

Even if you’ve used dating apps before (or gay dating apps in secret), you can get overwhelmed by the number of apps. They are all great if they align with your dating goals. So, if you’re looking to hook up, you’ll try Grindr. If you want to chat, you can give Scruff a go. You can also ask your new crew to coach you on the best gay dating apps and how you can navigate this terrain. 

Always vet your dates before the date

Since safety is one of many concerns in the LGBTQ community, you should always vet your date before the date. You can have a video call to have a quick chat, see the person in real-time and even test the connection. Meeting in person will be easier knowing that the person is real and that you know each other a bit. If it doesn’t go well then you can thank that person for their time and save each other from an awkward one hour date. 

Be open to meeting people through an acquaintance

If a friend, either gay or straight, mentions they have someone you should meet, say yes. You never know if a date set through friends can turn out to be your love story. Or, at least, you’ll expand your gay social circle and have another gay friend that can help you navigate the ay dating scene. 

Just like anything else in life you’re trying for the first time, there will be a few hits and a few misses. But, with each date and each new person you’ll learn something new.

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