How to Handle a Ticking Time Bomb in the World of Gay Dating

81-97% of sexual assaults occur because both parties consumed alcohol.

Love + Sex Dating Sean Kivi

This article was published on August 8th, 2022

Let’s all address the elephant in the room. Yeah, we are talking about the gay that doesn’t drink. Have you ever seen someone at the club naturally dancing without a drop of alcohol in their system? If so, you may have found yourself asking, “how in the world can they do that?” 

Perhaps you’ve also heard friends saying things like:

  • You can’t trust someone who doesn’t drink
  • They must be very boring
  • Guess they can’t handle just one

The truth is, drinking in the gay community is such an issue. Our community struggles with drinking and it’s no secret.A quarter of the gay community has an alcoholism problem compared to the general populations’ 5-10%. Within some subgroups of the LGBT community these rates are even higher. 

What are you to do when you lead a sober life but are still interested in gay dating? Searching the deep waters for your mate can be harder than you think. You may be at the receiving end of the statements above. Oftentimes it can feel intimidating to date someone who gets waved or right out drunk when you go out with them. It can make you feel less than desirable when this happens. In the gay dating community, it isn’t common to find someone who does not like drinking, but these people do exist. 

If you can’t find someone who leads an abstinent lifestyle, here is what you can do to maintain your lifestyle and still date freely. 

Be upfront and stick to your guns

Before going on a date with someone, you should let them know you don’t drink. It seems like a simple task, but we know that peer pressure is killer. However, if you let the person, you’re dating know beforehand it can alleviate the pressure that you feel on your date. Also, most people will respect your lifestyle if they’re a nice person. If they don’t respect your decision, are they really someone you would want to potentially spend the rest of your life with?

Don’t explain yourself

Here’s a simple but overlooked aspect of our lives. We have a right to privacy, and we don’t need to explain anything we do to anyone, as long as it is legal. Instead of nursing a drink and hoping they don’t notice – tell your date no. If they ask, “why” simply reply that you don’t want a drink. If they press you keep in mind that you don’t need to say anything. You can keep your thoughts to yourself and be reserved. Deciding not to tell the other person could even intrigue them and make them more interested in you. 

Here are some tips to help you build your alcohol refusal skills.

Date who you want, even if they aren’t sober

Confusingly, people think they can only date people who don’t drink if they choose not to consume alcohol. Throw this idea out the window and you will enjoy your dating life much better. You can date someone who drinks and still have a good time, unless it makes you uncomfortable. Some people feel uncomfortable around alcohol for religious or personal reasons. In those cases, it is a good idea to avoid people who do drink, but if you just made the choice for health or because you dislike becoming drunk dating someone who enjoys a glass of red wine probably won’t lead to any problems. 

Take out the trash

Being sober when dating can be very liberating. If someone is trying to question you and push you to drink you can quickly get rid of them. Telling them bye and walking out is much easier without a few drinks in you. Dating sober will open your eyes and expose those that have no respect for your decisions. Not to mention, it is much safer to date sober because you are more in control of your situation. 

It’s very important to understand the impact being sober can have on you while dating. So keep in mind that perpetrators and victims in 81-97% of sexual assault occur because both parties consumed alcohol

By choosing to be sober you can avoid these issues and have a healthy and safe dating life. 

If you are feeling confused about dating in a world where most people consume alcohol, we’ve outlined some ways to deal with the issue you face. Which was your favorite and what do you think we could add to the list? Let us know in the comments below. 

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