This article was published on August 27th, 2020

Gay dating is frustrating. And that’s putting it benignly. You, like me, have a slew of horror stories from your dating experience. A good example, you meet a guy, you hit it off, everything is going alright. Two weeks, a month in, everything is still fine and then boom, they ghost you. No calls, no meetups, no nothing. Just the dark, cold silence.

It feels like someone yanked your heart, threw it in a blender, and turned it full speed. You rack your brain. You go over every conversation you ever had. Did you do or say something wrong?

Well, maybe they just weren’t meant for you. So, how do you know you’ve found the right one then? What should you look for when searching for the right boyfriend?

Qualities to look for in the “perfect” boyfriend

Everyone has the bare minimum qualities they look for in a new boyfriend. Regardless of your checklist, the following attributes are a good starting point when evaluating your next love.

Good manners

“Manners maketh man.” It’s that simple.

The words “please,” “sorry,” and “thank you” might seem small, but they form the bedrock of a healthy and thriving relationship. If your potential boyfriend lacks basic manners, that relationship is dead on arrival.

Observe him closely. Look for those tell-tale signs and red flags that might signal trouble ahead. Run if you notice any shortcomings in manners because those won’t change magically.

Kind to everyone

He might be kind to you because he’s trying to score, but is he kind to other people? Is he kind to his friends, family, and strangers, especially service personnel such as waiters and bartenders?

Kind people have a way of spreading kindness everywhere they go. Kindness is that one quality you rarely think about until you’re deep into the relationship and realize your boyfriend is mean as f**k.

Passionate about something

Passion ignites. We are drawn to passionate people, be it politicians, friends, or even business leaders.

What are his passions? What makes his eyes light up when he’s telling you about it? It can be anything. He could be into football, or pottery, or social justice and equality. Let there be something.

Why? Because they have something else besides you and the relationship to focus on. That gives you both space and an opportunity to unite and support each other.

Good sense of humor

Does he make you laugh and smile? Does he whisper, or text sweet nothings that light you up?

A good sense of humor goes a long way in diffusing tense situations and sets the mood when you need to spice things up in a relationship. Laughter is relaxing, both physically and mentally.

Relationships get tense at times. It would help if you had someone who can laugh at themselves and lighten the situation. Plus, humor makes the connection more exciting and memorable. You both have something to laugh about, during the good, the bad, and ugly times.

Loves, respects, and focuses on you

Duh! If he doesn’t love you, what are you doing pursuing him in the first place?

However, love is just the first step. It manifests in the attention he gives you. For example, does he put his phone down when he’s talking to you? Does he make time to see you or check up on you despite his schedule? Does he call and text just to check how you are doing?

He also respects and accepts you despite your shortcomings. He’s not trying to change you but gives you space and encouragement to make the necessary changes.

Content by themselves

The last thing you want in a boyfriend is clinginess and neediness. Some partners demand complete and undivided attention always. You can’t be the sole source of happiness for someone. That relationship will completely drain you.

Relationships are about two people who complement each other coming together. Therefore, look for someone content and happy on their own. A guy with friends, hobbies, and passions that keep them engaged and happy whether you are there or not.

Good between the sheets

Obviously, but it’s worth repeating.

While sex shouldn’t be the main thing in a relationship, it’s an important part, especially in gay relationships. You need someone who takes good care of you in bed and ensures you’re satisfied.

Whatever tickles your fancy in bed, consider whether your potential boyfriend can fulfill those fetishes and maybe, even push the boundaries.

Great sex is good for you, and you deserve it.

Bonus: They can cook

Imagine waking up to a delicious breakfast, served in bed after a night of…well, a superb smash. Sadly, if he can’t cook, you can kiss that thought goodbye.

Meals have a way of bringing people together. Whether he’s cooking for you or it’s a team effort, it’s a great way to connect and deepen the relationship. If you find one that can cook (and checks off on most of the other qualities, hang on that one.)

In conclusion

Relationships are two-way streets of give and take. As you search for the right boyfriend based on these qualities and others, ensure you also have them. Charity begins at home. It’s only by working on yourself and becoming a better person that you start attracting the right boyfriend for you.