This article was published on January 25th, 2015
Just because you have a dick that doesn’t mean you know how to fuck. Simply sticking it into your partner and going to town isn’t going to result in a pleasurable experience for them. You can either hurt them, or make them skip over you the next time they’re in the mood. Learning how to be a dominant top isn’t rocket science, but it does take work. You can’t expect a bottom to relinquish control to a guy who can barely figure out where to stick his dick. Once you learn the basics of topping you can build from there, and increase your skill.
The first thing you have to know is that not every bottom is going to be the same. It is better to start slow—don’t go balls-deep with the first thrust. If you’re topping someone inexperienced you run the risk of tearing the lining of the anal canal, which can be very painful. Another way to avoid unnecessary injury is to use plenty of lube. Do not use spit, as it doesn’t provide adequate lubrication and can dry out the skin on your dick, making for rougher sex than you, or your bottom, might like.
Make sure you continuously communicate with your partner, and pay attention to their reactions. If they are moaning with pleasure and clawing at the sheets, then you’re doing well. But if they are wincing in pain and saying “owe,” then you need to re-evaluate your technique. In the beginning, especially with a new bottom, it’s going to be painful for the first few minutes. However, if you take your time and are gentle with them there is no reason why they should still be grimacing ten-minutes into sex.
If they are having difficulty in a particular position, then try another. Sometimes missionary is more intense for an inexperienced bottom. An easier position would be to have them lay flat on their stomach with you on top of them. Doggie style is another good sexual position as it allows their ass to spread more, which will make being penetrated more comfortable.
Every bottom reacts differently. The best way to know what is or isn’t working, is to talk to them. Don’t be an inconsiderate top and do whatever you want. Save that for experienced bottoms that know how to handle an aggressive pounding from a dominant top—who knows what they’re doing. In the beginning, focus more on going slow and learning how to please your partner. And respect their wishes if they ask you to stop. Bottoming can be tough, and sometimes a break is necessary. Being patient and considerate will lead to you having sex more frequently, as good tops are hard to find.