This article was published on July 26th, 2017
It’s the big night. You’ve been out on dates with the same guy multiple times, and tonight is the night you are finally going to take the plunge and have sex. But you stop and wonder, are you prepared to get plowed? This is one of the biggest fears of being a bottom. How can you know, with every certainty, that things are tidy down there? Without any real control over your digestive system, how do you know for sure you can take a good, long, hard pounding, with all the clarity that things won’t get brown in Chinatown? You want to do whatever it takes so you can have confident anal sex.
No one likes a shitty kitty. Ok, maybe some people have a fetish for that, and that’s totally cool too; however, for most guys, maintaining a grade-A beef reputation of being a good, clean bottom each and every time is essential. Here is your guide for an almost guaranteed, mess free, kitty time, for worry-free bottoming.
Other than not eating for days, there has to be a better way to consistently clean butt sex, right? Of course, there is! You just have to learn a little bit of science. Human biology is a fascinating thing, but if you can manipulate nature’s system, you can guarantee a peace of mind while taking a piece of the D. Your safest best and the tried and true method of douching. But knowing when, how, and how often you need to douche in order to have a clean bat cave is another story.
First of all, there are two main types of douching. A standard douche bulb or a shower attachment. The Standard Fill douche bulb (a.k.a. the Douchomatic 5000), typically floods your insides with water up until the sigmoid (lower colon). It is good for brief encounters or light touch-ups. The Wash Out, using a shower attachment involves filling your entire colon, ascending, travers, and descending regions, to leave you feeling like you could power bottom in a gang bang for weeks, having confident anal sex.
Either way gets the job done. It’s up to you to decide how clean you want to be, and how much cock you’re going to be taking in your ass. Success also depends on knowing the biology of the situation. The Standard Fill is perfect for sex within four hours, and with average penis sizes. The Wash Out is perfect for confidence through long or extensive anal play, with cocks of any length or size.
Before starting the douching process, it is essential to take a poo. It will help make sure you won’t have such a tedious job. For the Standard fill, use an enema bulb or a Douchomatic 5000 by filling it with cool water. Lube your hole to prepare for insertion. If you don’t have lube, hair conditioner will also work. Get into the shower, take the bulb or Douchomatic 5000 nozzle and place it against, not inside, your hole. For the Standard Fill, light to medium light water pressure is advised so you don’t blow out your kidneys, or resemble a cartoon fireman trying to subdue a fire hose spouting water everywhere. Count to five Mississippi, letting the cool water fill your rectum and sigmoid. If you go past the sigmoid, the entire process is going to take about an hour or more because you’ll be forced to clean out your entire system. Wait 60 seconds before expelling the water into the toilet.
For the Wash Out, you’re going to feel clean for days, but you’re going to need an hour to an hour and a half to pull it off (and out). Start by lubing up your bootie hole. Place your shower nozzle or bulb tip against your man hole and lightly insert the tip an inch into your rectum. Count to 30 to allow the water to fill your insides like a shit geyser. Once you’re fuller than the Hoover Dam, count to 60 before expelling all the water into the toilet. This method cleans out your entire colon and may take several times for you to finish.
With either method, it is best to assume to Bottoming Buddha position, which is basically squatting with feet flat on the tub floor and ass pointed at the drain. This is a natural position that helps alleviate the pressure and allows for easier discharge. Squirt out as much water as you can, allowing yourself to breathe when you push to avoid irritating your hole, which can lead to hemorrhoids. There is a certain sensation of total inner cleanliness once you have successfully removed any fragments of freedom of poo traces from your system. It’s a good sign that you are on your way to confident anal sex. But there isn’t necessarily any other way to tell that your ass is totally clean other than paying attention to the water that you shit out.
Unless the H20 coming outta your hole is clear and odorless, your job isn’t finished. You’ll know when you feel really empty deep inside (your hole, not your soul). Another way to tell is that your stomach feels fine and un-irritated. Cramping and pings can indicate that the road to clean butt sex is a long one that you’ve only just begun on.
The best way to tell if you have got all the water out is by weighing yourself before and after the douching process. If your scale is really accurate, this is the best way to indicate whether or not you’ve still got some stragglers.
Bodies are weird instrumental machines. It’s important to remember to do things like not try and have anal sex within 4-6 hours of eating, unless you do the proper douching. Medicines like Loperamide or its over the counter Metamucil counterpart are great for helping you plan around your next bowel movement. Drinking plenty of water and enough fiber are essential to having successful and solid poop. Shitting, no matter how gross it can be, is an essential part of the bottoming process. You’ve got to make room for taking it and must clear out the old to give space for the new.
Now go! Run! Flee! Have confident anal sex now that you know how to effectively douche the right way. Bottoming isn’t easy. Neither is anything in life that you really want. But you’ve got the knowledge and the tools to go forth and take dick like a champ. A lot of bottoming is in the mind and relaxing. Let the fear of a mess go like the flow of the water exiting you after a good solid perfect douching.
