How to keep a man you’ve met online

Take your relationship from online to real life.

Love + Sex Relationship Advice Peter Minkoff

This article was published on August 24th, 2019

Dear God!  How many times have you thought *this guy* is different than all the others (especially if he’s popped up online while you were conveniently sipping on your third glass of wine, wrapped up in a blanket on a Friday night), and you’ve secretly hoped he was sent by some higher power to make you happy? 

And then, there came a rush of thoughts, suppositions and questions, much like Virginia Woolf’s stream of consciousness; although, unlike hers, your stream was way more basic and less imperative.

Argh, we’ve all been there way too many times before, feeling these feelings and overthinking them. Sheesh, we can be pretty pathetic sometimes, can’t we?

Nevertheless, it’s all both sweet and sour; we may be repeatedly denying it, but – no matter how fast paced lives we’re leading are or how sex-based our relationships have become, we’re all still seeking for love. You know, that one hand to hold, that one heart to warm up to. And it’s not desperation, this online dating thing – it’s a practical way to survive these days. Sure, promenades are amazing, but so was the 20th century. Let’s stick to what we know.

Dating Online vs Real Life

The online dating game is just as stressful as the one IRL, although a whole other set of rules applies. While real life convos throw you directly into a flaming fire, the online interaction gives you the opportunity to impress – you can wait a second before you reply, go offline if convenient, prolong and postpone the answer attempting to play hard to get, do a quick Google browse on a topic and impress with your deep knowledge and wisdom, etc. Then, there are photos – filters and apps that make us look better than we do in reality, and oh-so-effectively trick the naked eye. Uncomfortable silences? Non-existent. You either “fill the void” with a YouTube link or you go offline. It’s okay, we just fake it until we make it. What!?

Image vs Truth

The thing with dating online is that, still, it isn’t really dating. De facto, you are building a relationship and investing in something that may have potential but until reality happens, you are stuck – that is, unless you are just looking to play.

Online life is easier; multitasking between a deal you’ve got to nail down with that new client and your loved one’s need to see your face pop up on messenger isn’t a big deal. You’ll just text them later. Basically, we’ve created a very functional virtual reality, a detached and always available emotion-and-stress-relief-world that has us imagine a closeness that rarely ever matches reality.

But, if the connection happens and you manage to set up the first date, try to be yourself as much as you can. For example, if you prefer to wear urban street wear, don’t try to fake it by wearing expensive suits that you might not be able to afford. Keep your overall look clean and simple, and who knows, maybe that online date turns out to be your future husband.

Keeping Your Online Date

The problem with online dating is that – online, everyone can be anyone and anyone can be everyone. Online dating users are adapting and creating personalities they’d like to be instead of just, well, being who they actually are. This trickery may be very dangerous, especially for those who came online to find emotional happiness. Think about it: how often have you went out on a RL date with your online crush (who, by the way, seemed like your match made in heaven) and you had nothing to talk about? Ha! Too often. With all the drama revolving around that one big question called ‘how to keep a partner’, you forget that the partner you are “getting to know” may be a fake version of what you are looking to find. Stop it right now! If you want to keep them – be who you are in reality – pretense won’t do anything good. And, next time you are wondering why does it take long to find a date, remember – most people are insecure and faking it.

Try to keep things simple in your new relationship and focus on the good stuff, like the things you both have in common. For example, if you both like extreme sports or watching vintage movies, just go with the flow and see where your new relationship will take you. Maybe saying “I do” is just 2 months away.

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One thought on “How to keep a man you’ve met online

  1. Joe Cobb

    Gay dating isn’t remotely anxiety free. It isn’t dating. No one actually sets up a date so much as a public venue to loosen up before the inevitable hook up decides it’s time we took care of our needs now and remember there’s always next time with someone else. Issue is finding a dateable person who doesn’t only reserve dating for someone out of their league. The most common awkward silence isn’t insecurity! You see most gay men’s profiles are the ones with the least amount of clothes and most defined bodies. They rarely bother clarifying what they’re doing on the app, and chronically ignore any comment and compliment made to them.

    I despise online dating. I get anxiety attacks from the way I get treated and who comes demanding nude picture of me.