This article was published on April 12th, 2014

This week, Dee Licious joins HomoCulture.ca as a contributing blogger. Dee Licious is amazing. She has a passion and flare for life, and completely relates to many of the issues and challenges gay men face. In her first blog post, Dee Licious squares off on the sensitive topic of sleeping with married men.

Please welcome, Dee Licious!

I don’t identify with the term “mistress”. Although by all accounts that’s exactly what I am, it’s a label that I’m not fond of. “Mistress” seems to have many implications that are of the negative variety – and that doesn’t describe the relationships I choose to be part of. Instead, I choose to hold these relationships because there is no label – no expectations, nothing to hold on to.

90% of the time that’s true.

There are many complications with having an affair, and you need to consider these before jumping into the arrangement. If you’re wondering whether you should go for it and see where it leads, or if you should instead walk away (wondering what could have happened…) read on.

You should sleep with that married man if….

If you’re out to satisfy curiosity and aren’t in it for love, but simply want the perks of a relationship and dating a married man, you’re likely in the right frame of mind. Having an affair takes the highest of strength and independence – it’s not for the weak or faint of heart. You’re opening yourself up to potential heartache and love lost, should you allow emotions to get the better of you. Before embarking on this roller coaster of an adventure, it is recommended that you have open lines of communication with your secret fling and discuss what the arrangement looks like. It’s also important to look at how your arrangement ends, especially if you share similar friends, colleagues or work in the same industry.

Biggest challenge? Knowing that he goes to bed each and every night with his wife. If you’re strong enough to understand and accept that, you’re in the right frame of mind to sleep with a married man.

You shouldn’t sleep with that married man if….

If you can’t handle the fact of knowing that he’s married (and the aforementioned ‘falling asleep with his wife’), sleeping with a married man is not for you. In a sense, you’re only borrowing him. Just like a book at the library, it’s on-loan for a period of time and must be returned – otherwise, you’re paying a pretty hefty fine, either in the way of broken hearts or broken families. Yes, this married man might be gorgeous, fun and appealing, but if you’re the type that wants to be with this guy – you should probably tell him to call you when he’s divorced. Otherwise, don’t get invested.

Of course, things can happen without much thought behind them. The two of you could have a connection that’s good. Really, really good; but before you venture down that road of entering into an affair, ask yourself – should I or shouldn’t I?

Sleeping with a married man and having a mutually beneficial arrangement can be fun. If you love the benefits of a relationship, exploring someone who is unavailable and love the fear of the unknown, this is for you – just consider the pros and cons before venturing down this adventurous road.