This article was published on October 18th, 2016

Welcome to the sneaky world of stealthing; an incredibly controversial topic across the world of all things gay and sex related. Stealthing incorporates domination, deceit, cum, lies and risks. Stealthing can be a super hot act of role-play between two mutually consenting partners, or it could be grounds for the police to be called.

Stealthing can be done by a bottom or a top. Here’s how it could happen:

The top gets ready to enter while the bottom begs to use a condom. The top agrees, puts on a condom and they proceed to have intercourse. The top then pulls out, quickly and seamlessly removes the condom, and then re-inserts his penis, resulting in the bottom being penetrated without a condom (bareback). The bottom senses that something is different and asks if the top is wearing the condom. The top admits that the condom somehow slipped off. The top, who is determined to stealth, sloppily puts the used condom on over just the tip of his penis. He then continues to fuck the bottom. Because the condom is hardly on, the top knows that it will come off, so he can cum inside the bottom, bareback, without the bottom noticing or knowing until it is too late. 

If you are desperate to take his load then it is possible for a bottom to stealth. A bottom can pull out, go ass to mouth, climb on top, and then use his hand as a distraction to slip off the condom before taking him again.

How do you prepare a condom for stealthing?

It’s easy to tamper with condoms so they break while having sex. Condoms can be sabotaged in advance by poking holes in the tip with a pin or cutting it open with a pair of scissors. It’s also possible to stealth by having sex with lubricant that’s not designed for condoms, such as Vaseline. These options will result in a condom to rip, tear, and break.

All of this does beg the question of why stealthing?

It’s really not difficult to find people who are willing to take or give in the most raw way. Stealthing is a niche fetish. It can also be incorporated into role-play scenarios. It’s a way to have bareback sex, while under the guise of practicing safer sex; which is totally not what is happening. Stealthing is also used by guys who are into performing higher-risk sexual acts. Some guys will say they only have sex with condoms, but are open to playing with one that is damaged because it plays on their securities and ethics of using a condom, but allows them to essentially have bareback sex without a guilty conscious, cause they ‘used a condom’.

So why go to all this trouble?

Stealthing is a role play scene or fetish act between two mutually consenting partners. There is a pre-agreement to have bareback sex. A delicate balance between right and wrong, it is about dabbling in a risky aspect of sex and pushing boundaries together. It can be a scenario where one partner isn’t quite comfortable admitting he wants to have bareback sex, but will do it under these conditions. It’s not meant to be confused with rape or un-consensual bareback sex. Talk to your partner in advance; be on the same page that stealthing play is mutually agreed upon.

Could anything bad happen while stealthing?

Stealthing puts both partners at risk of contracting HIV or STI’s. It could result in a partner getting incredibly angry or upset, which could lead to verbal or physical alteracations. Deceiving a partner of having sexual intercourse with a condom and purposely removing or sabotaging a condom to fail without consent from both partners could be grounds for the police to be called and possible legal action.

Are you concerned about being stealthed?

Stealthing doesn’t just accidentally happen. It’s done with intention and purpose. If you’re having sex and your partner says that the condom somehow came off or broke and they have no idea how, there’s a high probability that you have just been stealthed.

Very rarely does a condom accidentally break. Condoms are incredibly strong and need significant force to break; typically a force beyond the friction of intercourse. Condoms, if put on correctly, also rarely accidentally come off. Condoms can come off if they are not put on all the way, or correctly.

Risky scenarios where stealthing can happen include while being under-the-influence or drugs or alcohol, when your inhibitions are lowered and are not in a sound frame of mind, or during an NSA anon hook-up, usually in a dark room or when blindfolded.

Be aware so you know the signs if you are about to be stealthed. If you feel like you are being stealthed you can take appropriate actions including discontinuing sexual activity or continuing to check to ensure the condom is being worn correctly for the duration of play.

The risk of being stealthed is another great reason why some individuals may consider taking pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP), as an added layer of protection to reduce their risk of HIV.